IAMELLIOTJAMES

TARGETS THE NEW WALMART

My mum definetly has me attached to her never ending list of chain emails that bounce around, but I’m proud to say most of the time she sends the good ones. Here’s the latest.

“Day 1 of my new job…

After landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter (a good find for many retirees), I lasted less than a day. About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’ The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, ”Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’s twins? You blind, or just stupid?’ I replied, ‘Actually, ma’am, I’m neither blind nor stupid. I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice.. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’ As I was escorted to the exit, my supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work. “

RED, WHITE, AND BOOM BOOM BOOM!

Yesterday we were in Orlando for the day for a radio show on the water, it was crazy playing on that barge, what an experience. I love seeing bands we haven’t toured with in ages. We The Kings, The Cab, Carolina Liar, i love every single of one of you, band, crew, TM’s, all of it, love our reunions. The best part was spending my 4th of July a day early with Ryan, Jeremy, Chris and Cameron. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys. It gets hard being away from friends and family on tour as you can probably imagine, the fact that one day can change a months of space is the greatest thing i could ask for in them. Always picking up where we left off, you guys are the best. As always, Chris takes pictures that make me wanna cry, A) because they bring out the best in everyone B) because i know mine will never be that good. (Even though i try to take equally as good pictures on my iPhone, get a life El…). I’ve got good videos though of the finale last night so once we get out of Canada tomorrow I’ll post some up here. Oakville, you guys are nuts, we’ve been hanging out with you outside the venue all day and we can’t wait to play with you in an hour, thanks for always making us feel welcomed Canada (except your border control, you don’t make us feel welcomed at all, i swear we’re not trying to smuggle hot dogs and gun powder, however i may or may not have some bottle rockets and sparklers in my bunk, just saying…) Amazing how good it feels to turn off my phone for a day. I normally keep it going international but in the spirit of holidays why not just enjoy the great outdoors? Also, for those who don’t know, Duncan my tour manager and I are both British, we do celebrate fourth of july, but there’s a much for well known tradition in England that we grew up doing called Guy Fawkes night. You and you friends and family build a kind of scare crow looking figure and make a really big bonfire around him and have bbq food and fireworks and all that junk. Guy Fawke was the dude that attempted to burn down the house of parliament in London with barrels of gun powder. It’s a tradition but the more we tell people about it, the more we realize its kind of barbaric and we might be perceived as crazy, what do you think?

ORLANDO BLOOMS

We have a flight to catch in six hours, we’re going to O town for one night to play a radio show on a boat with We The Kings, The Cab, Matt Nathanson, and Carolina Liar, to name a few. My closest friends and the ones that know me better than i know myself will be there, can’t wait to see you guys. Hope everyone that plans on coming does, after all, it’s free and it’s on a boat! Goodnight everyone, I’m going to try and knock out some of these Pink Panther episodes and re-live the later years of my childhood. Night Light.